I HATE MS

OK, scratch the last post.  I've been feeling really crappy for 2 weeks now.  I've been having terrible muscle spasms or cramps in my neck, causing horrific tension headaches, to the point where we had to call my dad in the middle of the night one of the nights. I thought I was going back to the hospital.  Thankfully, my doctor said it wasn't a flair.  I just have a lot of built up tension...hmmm...wonder WHY ?  Could it be because I was recently diagnosed with a lifelong disease?  That one day I may not be able to ride bikes with my grandkids like my grandmother did with me?  I don't even feel like doing that now, and I'm still in my 20's.  I'm some better this week, but my left side is just in  a constant state of numbness.  I HATE that feeling.  It's totally crappy.  I hurt 24/7 .  I'm so tired of hurting.  And I get so tired of pretending that I feel good when I don't.  But I want Rod and Camryn to be happy.  I'm so hard on myself about not being able to care for them like I should.  So I'm still asking the question...WHY?  why did this happen to me?  What did I do, Lord?  What did I do?